Seems like every time I come around here…

This is one of the posts that never made it out of ‘Draft’ status. After reading through it I decided that I’d just go ahead and post it. I figured out how to change the ‘post’ date, so it may or may not show up in the right place.

But if it doesn’t, just sloooowly back away from the blog and never speak of it again. 🙂

 

Written some time around April 2010

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…something else has gone wrong. I mean ‘gone on.’

When did I last post? Hang on while I go look…

Phew. I feel better. it was actually within this calendar year.

Hey…wait just one minute…when exactly  did I start this post? APRIL? It’s already August!  I am SO sorry.

I’ve got three partial posts sitting on the sidelines, none of which would mean anything at this point, as there’s no context for anything I had to say, seeing that I’ve posted but four times since November 09. So I’m gonna give it a fresh start.

:::waves wildly:::  “Hi, y’all! How have you been?”

And now I have to back up here just a bit, maybe repeat a few things I’ve already written, but catch y’all up to speed, so to speak.

After the unpleasantness of last summer, I had my house to myself along with my daughter, Kate, and then 15 month old grandson, Daniel. They stayed with me until just days before Christmas. Her husband was to return from Qatar on Christmas Day, so she scooted home on the 18th of December. Just seconds after she left, it seems, (literally, just three days!) thanks to my crazy (and generous) niece Paula, I was in a plane heading to Florida (with son Nick) to spend the holidays with family down there…a wonderful time was had by all. And to my amazement, despite being such a crappy year culminating in the breakup of my marriage, I got to see almost every single member of my family (I’m the oldest of 7, scattered all over the world) and most of the 22 grandchildren as well. New Year’s Eve was wonderful, starting off with a Watchnight service at my sister’s church and ending with love and hugs and toasts to the coming year. At least, that’s how I remember it.

We flew back to Michigan shortly after the first. Nick, who is a welder apprentice, had been laid off in mid-December (and didn’t work  again until early June,) but his unemployment compensation was at the top rate, and along with a little help from his union, he was able to pay all his bills.

After the first of the year, I got back to my house in northern Michigan, where it was now just me and the dog. Nick and I talked frequently, and every time we did, he would suggest that I move down to his house (bigger than mine…) I was trying to hold out, but with yarn sales waaaay down, both retail and wholesale, and unemployment over 30% in my county, there was no chance I was going to find any way to make enough money to keep up with my bills.

By the grace of God, a chance encounter at the dump turned into a wonderful couple and child renting out my house for enough to cover the mortgage and homeowner’s insurance. So on the 17th of January 2010, I moved to Greenville, just 45 minutes northeast of Grand Rapids. The kids showed up, packed my stuff, Nick rented a truck and off we went. I gave away more than half of what I owned, including much of my furniture, and moved in with him. The dog was not at all happy about leaving her 50 acres of running space for a 30’ tie-out. I, too, wasn’t so sure about leaving the space of my entire home for a single bedroom and shared bathroom. But we both adapted.

Shortly after moving in with Nick, I had to leave for Florida to take care of my father. He was 82 and his health was failing. I spent a tad more than two weeks there, getting him set up with Hospice Care at home. Over the course of the next four months, I ran back and forth from Michigan to Florida three times. I left just days before he was moved to the Hospice House, where he died on May 9th, 2010. My greatest consolation is that back in February I was honored to be able to pray with him to accept Jesus as his Saviour. I know where he is now, and that I will see him again.

Meanwhile, Nick started working again, but the jobs he was put on were farther and farther from home (he’s an apprentice welder) so I had the house to myself a lot of the time. But by the end of May, he realized that financially it was not a good idea for him to be covering a mortgage plus the cost of living in a motel every week, so he decided to rent out his house too.

I was working on selling yarn and roving, which helped pay the bills, but without health insurance (the stbx (soon-2-B-ex) had been laid off and didn’t bother to pick up the COBRA insurance) my medications (did I mention that I have fibromyalgia?) cost me over $1500/month, and I couldn’t keep up. I sold my drumcarder, my Louet S10, my piano, and a few other things of value to raise money for bills and moving somewhere. I gave away the rest of my furniture to Nick, and to his girlfriend’s college residence. And then, once again, I started packing my things, unsure where I was going, what I was going to do with the dog.

Mike (Kate’s husband) called me about that time and asked me to come to Louisiana and live with them. When I mentioned the dog, he was delighted, because he and Maggie (my old lady dog) have a wonderful love relationship that goes back quite a way. 🙂 I rented a truck and Nick and I moved all our stuff into several storage units in Grand Rapids. I spent my last night at his house, sleeping on a blow-up mattress, showered and packed the dog, and everything I thought I  might need into my car, and took off for Louisiana. We drove for 14 hours and put in 725 miles the first day, 550 the second, arriving around 11pm the next evening. The kids had a room all set up for me with a wonderful bed. I dropped into it and slept for 12 hours.

The next day I had to go buy some furniture for my room. Little by little, it began to feel like home. Then, two weeks after I arrived, I got back in my car again, this time to drive to Atlantic Beach, Florida (almost to the Atlantic Ocean…) I made the trip, 828 miles, in one shot. My sister had had some serious surgery and asked me to be there to give a hand while she recovered. (This was my 5th trip to Florida since December ‘09.) While I was there, I was also supposed to be dealing with my father’s ‘estate’.

I needed to figure out the least expensive way to get to Florida and have a vehicle to get around in, and flying plus renting a car was pricey. It made more sense, even though I was already over in mileage, to take my comfy car and pay the .20/mile for the extra miles. About my car: a leased 2007 Grand Prix, comfy and luxe. Although I had been making the payments for almost a year by myself, they wouldn’t let me finance the balance of the car, so it had to be returned by July 7, 2010. This would be the first time since I was 17, that I was without a car.

About my father: He owned nothing of value. There was no point in probating the will, according to the court. But he did have a car, a 1999 Malibu LS. It needed several thousands of dollars of mechanical work. It reeked of years of cigarette smoking. But it only had 73,000 miles on it. All my siblings agreed that if I wanted the car, I should take it.

All the money I’d put away before moving south went into repairing the car. Daily, I wiped it out and sprayed it with Febreeze. The a/c wasn’t working, so when I drove it 140 miles from Orlando to my sister’s mechanic, I was miserable (it was 103F.) The first thing they did was charge the a/c, and it worked (for about 2 days. More on that later.) Yay! They were able to repair the cooling manifold leak and the hydraulics on the brakes and put new brakes, rotors and drums all around. They couldn’t get the cruise control to work. Fifteen hundred dollars and a few days later I headed for the DMV where, after several more hundreds of dollars I finally had an officially tagged, registered and insured  ‘new’ car. At dark-thirty on July 4th I got in it and bravely (foolishly?) drove all 828 miles back to Louisiana in one day (the a/c quit before I was out of Florida. :::sigh:::) I arrived, sweat-soaked and with serious knee pain (how spoiled we get! no cruise! Poor baby! lol)

In desperate need of money, I decided at that point to put all my beautiful, cherished handspun yarn in my shop at ‘give away’ prices. Some of the yarns actually cost me money to sell. but thanks to my amazing customers, I was able to cover most of this month’s bills. I’ve been putting in job applications almost everywhere (it’s done online a lot now) and waiting (hoping!) for callbacks to interview. I really, really need a job.

I’m still not divorced. Originally I didn’t file because in Michigan you can’t remain on a spouse’s group insurance policy after the divorce. In Louisiana, you have to have lived here for a year. I’m without insurance and unable to file in either state, but still married to someone who makes a lot of money, so I can’t qualify for any assistance. I’m hoping that when he gets health insurance from his new job (beginning of October) that he’ll put me on the policy. We shall see.

So that’s the rough outline of the last year of my life. You haven’t seen me around these parts because I’ve been in a muddle. I’m hoping to get my life back in order now, find work, maybe take a class or two online toward finishing my master’s degree, become a single person again…and just maybe, spend a little more time with my friends on Ravelry. Thank you ALL for your care, concern, emails and convos. You’ve helped to keep my spirits up on the days when I’m not sure I’ll make it. I love you all!

8/4/2010 ETA: I got a call this past weekend that the stbx was arrested for possession and intent to sell heroin. The man has worked in his field for 25 years…it’s almost all he’s ever done. He holds state burglar alarm installer licensing, gun-carry permits and is bonded against damage and theft for $2 million dollars. He now no longer has any of that. He can’t stay at a company whose business it is to protect against people who do the things he does. Licenses are canceled. Bonding is canceled. Job is canceled. My hope of good group health insurance on September 1 is canceled.

Oh…and he has to go to court too. In light of all the collateral damage his actions caused, I almost forgot that. He’s going to jail for selling heroin to an undercover cop. Ironically, he has always worked very closely with the police. He was the good guy. Omg, addiction is a monster.

Thank you all for such kind and loving words.. I’m feeling pretty low right now, not to mention almost broke and scared. I need to make something happen here soon. But I’m sort of on hold for a while longer…bear with me. Thank you, and I sent hugs and love to you all.

This is the post that I didn’t post before the other post (above) that I also didn’t post. But it explains a few things, so even though it’s out of order and not in any particular context, there are events explained that might make other things easier to understand. And then again, maybe not. Clearly, my rather muddled state of mind is evident, yes? Still. See if it helps make anything clearer. And if it doesn’t, just walk away and never mention it to anyone again, okay? lol

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Hi there, all my yarnie friends! Thank you so, SO much for your care and concern about me.

It’s been a bizarre and unpleasant year (I can almost say a year now, since it all began on August 9th 2009, when my husband of 25 years walked out on me for another woman and a hypodermic of heroin.) I didn’t mention the drug part when I first posted about this a while ago because it was so completely beyond my comprehension that a man who had been such a wonderful daddy, faithful husband, excellent provider, Scoutmaster, worship leader and so much more, could wind up mainlining heroin. I still can’t quite believe it. He left me in a frightening financial state, which I now realize was because all the money went to drugs. He has hocked everything he owns, including his wedding ring and the Toro lawnmower, for this drug. The counselor I saw briefly warned me that heroin is a more seductive mistress than any woman could ever be…and didn’t give me much hope about him getting clean. When I last saw him, he had come to get whatever appliances I would give him so that he could hock those as well. (Now, explain this…he holds down a full-time job, brings home around $600/week and lives with his mother. No bills of any sort…his car and Harley were repossessed…and yet, he doesn’t even have a Tracfone because it would cost him $30/month. Mistress, indeed.)

At the time he left, I had my daughter, Kate, and 15 month old grandson with me for the next 6 months while my son-in-law was in the Middle East. Although the experience was horrible for her (she’s 24 and was always Daddy’s girl) we were able to prop each other up. Because of the grace of God, the generosity of my sister and the sale of the small lot we owned next to the house, I was able to get things financially current for the summer.

In December, Kate and Danny returned to Louisiana, to the house they’d just bought, to the return of husband and daddy from Qatar, and to some form of normalcy. Kate finally sought out a counselor, but still needs to follow through, because she’s still not talking with her father…his lying and manipulation is devastating to her. It grieves me that she had to be in the middle of all this, but even if she hadn’t been present when this all came down, it still would have affected her. Sadly, Nick (my son) is not speaking with his father either.

Nick had been pushing me to leave my house and move down to the Grand Rapids area with him. I was able to rent my house out for enough to cover the mortgage and the homeowner’s insurance.

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~ by perchance2knit on August 20, 2010.

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